Maybe's

I recently told my friend Kate that I was going to write a blog on my website, and maybe “get back to” blogging.

Blogging?! In the world of 7-second videos and singular text hooks? It seems like a waste of time, right? Maybe.

But right now, everything seems pretty hard to figure out. For an indie like myself, there’s never been a clear-cut road map to success. There has only ever been, in my experience, trial and error, finding what works and holding onto it with both hands for the two weeks that it does work, with tears and clapping along the way.

As of late, I’ve struggled to find my place in the indie romance book space. Last year, I had my best financial year of my entire career, and this year is slated to be my worst yet, with my debut year even earning more. I know more. I’m a better writer. I’m a million times better at graphics. I’ve made connections. But the truth is? I still can’t find a foot-hold. And while I don’t really think that blogging will be the way back to finding page turns and shop purchases, I think it could be a good way to connect with readers and author friends. Maybe? Lots of maybe’s in this post. But that’s because my entire world is a maybe right now.

Last May I had the worst release of my career, on one of my best written books yet. I did all the things. Commissioned multiple human artists, and multiple human cover designers, with two on-trend styles. I had it professionally edited and lined up two full weeks of giveaways. I sent a big ARC. I talked about it non-stop.

But I still saw my lowest numbers yet. It resulted in me having to cancel my scheduled audiobook, since I self-produce, and it felt like it would only put me further under. I’ve never had to cancel an audiobook before. I’ve never been in debt from a book before my May release.

What happened?

I don’t know. The indies in the middle—authors who have seen some mild success but have never experienced virality or trad-pub deals---we have a lot of theories. Amazon’s algorithm is different and unfavorable to some, Amazon isn’t functioning properly and now that everything is run by AI bots a lot of us are screwed, reader habits have changed, ARC reader habits have greatly shifted, lack of interest, romance-novels turned into series that launch and absorb our community for months at a time, not being shiny and new anymore, the influx of new authors—I don’t know. We don’t know.

I even paid a professional to the tune of thousands a month to run Facebook ads, someone that knows what they are doing. I saw some lift, but it didn’t reach anywhere near where I thought it would, for either of us. I’ve canceled with dream designers, and rescheduled all of my books to now favor what I think readers & the market wants, versus what I feel inspired to write. That’s made creativity hard, but this is a job and I have bills to pay, so I’ve made a lot of creative adjustments as of late.

There’s a silver lining in all of this, though. No maybe’s about it.

I’ve been incredibly lucky so far to have experienced what I have—to have been to the events I’ve been to, to meet readers, to sign books and take photos, to be in round ups as a reader’s favorite author or have my work be their favorite book. I was lucky that it worked for me for as long as it did.

I hope it’s not the end. I’ve saved up enough now to return to my audiobook projects that were already scheduled, and to complete the one I had to cancel, and with those, I hope to find some joy again. With my next release, which I love, I hope that I find some happiness in promoting and releasing it.

Maybe there is a brighter day around the corner, maybe writing this blog will connect me to an author that has experienced all of these things and more. What I can promise is that not all posts will be like this. They will be more positive, and light-hearted, and a look into my writing process and daily life. But it felt important to be transparent about what’s been going on with me, why I’ve been less present in my group and everywhere else. It’s been a world of maybe’s, and so hard to get steady feet when the Earth is constantly moving. But I hope that there is more romance left in this world, and that those of us in the indie community struggling find some wins!

I read a famous author once say, when releasing her major breakout book, “right before I released this book, I thought, okay, this is it. If this doesn’t change my life, I have to quit. I can’t keep going at this pace without a win. I need a win.”I’m glad she got her win, and I’m happy for my friends that are finding their stride in this chaotic, ever-changing, AI-loaded space. With all of the maybe’s floating around, I’m holding tight to one thing that is certain: I love writing romance, and it is absolutely my calling, and I won’t stop until I absolutely have no other choice.

I hope that day never comes.

Maybe it won’t!